Therapist Thoughts: You can’t coach yourself by beating yourself up

This week I noticed how much pressure my clients and I put on ourselves to have it all figured out to be productive, competent, and certain. However, not knowing is part of the process.

I tell clients, “This is a limbo space, let’s not rush it,” or “I don’t know, but I’ll get back to you.” Still, I noticed it's hard to sit there myself and not be sure. Coming to terms with who we are, learning new things, and making wrong turns in work, in love, even in knowing ourselves can all make us feel less competent, even with ourselves, the person we should know the best.

And yet, the peculiar thing about life is this: once we find an “answer,” embracing it can be easy… or much harder. Sometimes we cling to the trauma we know because it feels familiar, even if what’s ahead could be better. The unknown is uncomfortable.

So my reminder this week (for you and me both) is that it’s okay to wait, to stay with the discomfort, to know it’s not forever. When you’re ready, you can decide. In the meantime: be honest and kind to yourself, and to the people you meet along the way. We’re in this together.