This week I noticed how much pressure my clients and I put on ourselves to have it all figured out to be productive, competent, and certain. However, not knowing is part of the process.

I tell clients, “This is a limbo space, let’s not rush it,” or “I don’t know, but I’ll get back to you.” Still, I noticed it's hard to sit there myself and not be sure. Coming to terms with who we are, learning new things, and making wrong turns in work, in love, even in knowing ourselves can all make us feel less competent, even with ourselves, the person we should know the best.

And yet, the peculiar thing about life is this: once we find an “answer,” embracing it can be easy… or much harder. Sometimes we cling to the trauma we know because it feels familiar, even if what’s ahead could be better. The unknown is uncomfortable.

So my reminder this week (for you and me both) is that it’s okay to wait, to stay with the discomfort, to know it’s not forever. When you’re ready, you can decide. In the meantime: be honest and kind to yourself, and to the people you meet along the way. We’re in this together.

This week I caught myself being hard on myself. Even when I know it isn’t helping, sometimes I just have to sit in that space of frustration or sadness. The feelings don’t let go until I let them run their course.

When we try to skip that step, when we don’t allow ourselves to feel and be upfront with our emotions they end up leaking out onto the people we care about most.

What helped this time was putting on music, letting the feelings move through, and then shifting my attention back to the good things around me. Because we often can’t be grateful all the time.

In session, one client shared that they don’t want to be a “yes man” or fall into “toxic positivity”. Another said they don’t want to lie to themselves when they mess up. Both reminded me how important it is to name the difference: beating yourself up and holding yourself accountable are not the same thing.

A good coach doesn’t shame you into growth. They spot your strengths and push you from there. Self-compassion works the same way.

In the gym, progress comes from adding weight not carrying all of it at once. I’ve noticed this week, we sometimes carry guilt like weight when we could be noticing the growth. 1st generation clients doing more than their parents. Finally taking a break after a rough week. Realizing the progress you’ve made and seeing folks that might have been left behind. “I shouldn’t have more than others… I don’t deserve rest… I should be doing more.” But gratitude can be the counterbalance. Gratitude doesn’t erase guilt it helps us hold our progress without being crushed by it. Self-care, like lifting, isn’t selfish. It’s training for the life you want to live.

Sometimes in session, I feel it, the moment a client jumps. They are taking a risk. They say "the thing". They speak the fear/shame or the memory or the desire they’ve never said out loud. They might even brace or avoid the conversation after bringing it up. And in that moment, my job isn’t to analyze or fix. It’s to catch them with presence, with care, with words that remind them: you’re not too much, and you’re not alone. And the leap? It’s one of the most courageous acts one can take. This is what therapeutic safety really is. Not just insight. Not just strategies. But trust earned moment by moment, until someone dares to let go of the edge and see if someone will still be there. They jump and I catch.